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The Nightshade den. He hadn't been back here since Mum and Dad died. Their grave was still there, covered in snow, set against the side of the mountain. The cave was in sight, its vine-curtain dead and gone in the thick of this terrible winter.
Home.
He hadn't come back, when they returned to the Respite. He'd hidden from it.
Hidden from the shame. Pretended everything was fine.
He couldn't anymore.

After showing Coyote and Mintaka the cave and the tunnel behind, welcomed them to use it with him while they were here, he'd gone to the cairn. It felt wrong, being here and not… saying hi? Paying respects? Something? He ended up sitting there, hunched so close his bowed head rested against a frosted stone. Talking, no more than whispering against the rock.
I tried. I tried to do what I thought was right. A sharp breath. What would make you proud. He never had. He'd always been their shut-in, the one they worried over the future of. The one they asked the healers to look at, confirm the health of. You'd like Mintaka and Coyote. Finding them is the best thing that's ever happened to me, even if they’re too good to be… stuck with me.
Tears spilled from the corners of his closed eyes despite the squeeze of them trying to shut out the world. Fleetwood, particularly, would've liked Mintaka.
I'm still trying. Trying had never been good enough. I learned how to fish. More or less. My friend is teaching me how to defend myself -- and I did! His voice warbled, rising a pitch as the words cracked. I helped him. He heaved a breath. Got my Mark.
His ears pinned.
I don't want to ruin this. I wish you were here to help me.
But he'd always been helped. He'd always had his paw held.
And he'd always been useless. He'd always needed others to take care of him. Somehow, going out on his own had only forced him to cling to someone else. Where was the fairness in that?

His throat clenched, and the tears spilled faster.

I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. I'm trying to be there for them, now. To be better. Reliable. Someone they don't have to support. Someone Benny can stop watching.

Penny sat up with a long inhale and opened his glassy gaze to stare at the grave.