Time ticked by, almost painfully. Life at home only seemed booming; their numbers were growing, and now with winters end, the kids could freely wander and start to partake in lessons properly. She... could give lessons properly, she told herself. She wasn't out of the woods yet; the young Dusk couldn't wait till the little shits were trained and old enough to go find dens of their own and generally not be up her ass 24/7 as the terrible reminders they were.

Yet she found she missed Persi. At least, a little. It was quieter without him around, and perhaps she hadn't realized just how much he was always fighting for her attention until it was gone. Whether he was being annoying or just laying there bored beside her.... his presence had become...Sweet. Expected.
Now she felt that quiet space he left behind keenly, which surprised her. Then the surprise turned to guilt - it was a terrible cycle, one that left her stagnating. It wasn't as if she didn't love her children, but it was hard to like them some days when all she could see was amber eyes and reddened fur.

Day in and day out, she kept hoping his scent would touch the wind. That He was safe, wherever he was. That Sparrow was with him.

Every night come time to call the others back to the den, her heart squeezed when her headcount wasn't correct, and she wondered if she'd made the right call. If she was wrong for being the Queen, for keeping with the way the Dusk's had always run, before being a Mutter first.
But it was easier to mark borders and fish from the pools and start readying the garden for planting. It was easier to make sure the Oasis was up and running, that word of them spread across the land.

Apple was up before the sun today, and had been out marking borders since leaving her little ones snoring in the den. She'd hoped to come across Dante, but he'd been... quiet. Distant. She wondered if he was still working through his own inner demons or if perhaps he'd thought about what he'd decided and was having second thoughts, but Apple didn't like worrying about that. If everything was just... too much. If she'd asked too much of him.
She told herself to check on him again later. Sometimes, she couldn't find him at all, and she thought he might've been avoiding her to some gentle lengths -- like she knew he would come if she found herself in need, or in danger, but he was trying to keep to himself, too.

The Queen's spiraling thoughts about the kingdom drama were interrupted by a howl. A summons.

Sparrow!

Only Sparrow.

Apple's uneven stride lengthened until she was racing towards the Avon Warden, the nub of her tail sticking straight up and spine prickling faintly with her anxiety. She howled a desperate call back, but she wasn't far -- Sparrow's creamy, scar-patched coat came into view quickly.

Alone.

Sparrow, you're okay, she called out as soon as she saw them, brows pinched, ears flat, I've been so worried.

As she closed in, her nose filled with the smell of... her son? Tears filled her eyes, and fear threatened to close her throat.

P-Persi?

He was dead, she knew it. Something terrible had snatched him from Sparrow because she wasn't there to help. Because she hadn't gone looking for her own son. Because she hadn't cared enough. The tears spilled onto her snowy cheeks.

'Girly he's alive!' Sparrow closed the distance between them to comfort Apple, and the Queen scolded herself internally. No one must see her break. She thought if there was ever a reason to be allowed a moment of emotion, it was learning the fate of your missing child, no?

Apple surprised herself, frankly, with the ferocity of her reaction. The guilt, welling up in her throat like so many tears, the feeling that she should've done more. The sadness that he was gone.

Once, she'd thought of ridding herself of the problem before they'd grown too large within her. Once, she'd wished there was another nursing parent nearby to take the whelps from her. Fuck, she'd debated asking Apricot to take them himself. And yet now in the face of believing one was finally gone and she didn't have to look at him anymore, be annoyed by his rambunctious nature?

Apple could only cry.

She nuzzled into Sparrow as she neared, sniffling. Sorry, she swallowed, grasping at the outburst and reeling herself back in. Calm, cool, collected -- she could be that.
She could try.

She wiped her cheeks with a paw, listening. Persi was over in Avon where Sparrow lived officially, he'd gotten hurt! But... he was healing up fine. Hell, he probably didn't even know or care he was wounded, the little shit.
'Every time I tried to pack him up to come home, Fable looked like she was gonna bite me.'
Apple smiled, glad for the good news, but her stomach squirmed uncomfortably. Her son was hurt, and he was... hanging out in another kingdom? Being... coddled by some other women?
A thread of jealousy wormed its way into Apple's chest, tiny and hot and unnerving. Shouldn't she be happy? Glad he was okay, that he was being cared for, that he found someone that wanted him and all his energy?

I bet he's having so much fun, she returned, fighting another wave of tears, Will... you be returning home, now that winter is over? Apple found she didn't want Sparrow to go -- besides having been a help with the kids and her sanity alike, she enjoyed the straight-forward Warden's company. I hope you know there's always a place for you here as a Noble, even if only in the winters.