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For Osamu! Backdated to 8/29. The night following this thread!

She didn't know how to feel at first.

The empress went through a disastrous hurricane of emotions upon hearing the news. A part of her felt relief in the knowledge that she wasn't poisoned, nor terminally ill as previously thought. Skeptical -- inwardly accusing the woman, Junna, to be telling some sort of tall tale. Overjoyed, frightened, shocked....Izumi couldn't believe it--

She was pregnant. She was going to be a mother.

It was something Izumi had dreamed of for so long -- yet at the same time, something that only existed in her dreams up until now. That imagination of hers was now a reality, and the cranebird had never been so scared of something in her entire life up until this moment. A woman who has faced death, kidnapping, attempted murder....she never feared taking a gamble with her own life. Now she was going to be responsible for the ones growing within her.

Heirs to her throne.

Yet she was unmarried, and there was no doubt who the father was. He was the only man she had ever lain with, afterall.

Izumi did not come to him immediately after receiving Junna's diagnosis that morning. Things were still strange since that night within Veradent's Grace, as neither of them brought up what had happened since then. The empress never had plans to do so unless he did first, yet now was not the time for that. She would not wait for him to break the awkwardness between them any longer given the situation. Osamu deserved to know. Even if it would come as a shock to him. Even if.....he'd want to distance himself after knowing.

Izumi's pawpads became clammy.

--and the fear of such made her hesitate at the entrance of the den. Afraid to go in -- afraid of what might come next. A single paw dangled in the air as she truly thought of her next steps.

Yet she went in anyways.

Her voice gentler than usual. Albeit, out of fear and uncertainty.

Osamu... she began.

We need to talk. It's.......important.

The soothing scent of wisteria permeated his dreams.

Osamu had been fighting for his life only moments before, legs kicking against the floor of the den as fangs flashed in the soft light that filtered through the entrance. His fur stood perfectly on end, a bristling mass of rage and barely-restrained violence as his unconscious form struggled against enemies unseen, and then suddenly it was as if all at once a great calm settled over him and the man lay still.

Izumi's influence extended far, far into the deepest reaches of his psyche, even in sleep.

Her voice pulled him back to the waking world.

Hmm... Izumi? Osamu rumbled, disheveled head lifting from the crook of his forelimb. I mean - Empress?

Oh, hells, what did he call her now?

Everything had changed.

Everything was different.

He had deflowered her. Defiled her. He would have liked to blame the incident on drink alone, but the Samurai knew in his heart that he had long suppressed his burning desire for her - their innocent spars in the cove, his efforts to train her in the ways of self-defense, bodies brushing against each other, her scent so strong he could taste it. Taste her.

And he finally had. Gods, he had.

Although he vividly remembered some parts of that night, others had been obscured by the heady haze of alcohol, most particularly the bits leading up to their ultimate consummation. It ate him alive from the inside, the not knowing - not recalling. Had he pressured her? Had she truly wanted it? Osamu could still hear Izumi keening beneath him, her lithe form writhing like a pale serpent as he claimed her over and over again, her quickened breaths and soft moans filling the air like the most beautiful song.

And now she was here to - what? Banish him, perhaps? Order his demise?

Gladly, he thought remorsefully. The guilt hung over him like a shroud; disappointed in himself, in his lack of control.

He was no Samurai any longer.

... Of course. Osamu swallowed, his throat bone-dry.

He sat up with the resignation of a man sentenced to die.

He slept — and he dreamt a dream she could not see. Izumi could tell by the way his eyes danced beneath his lids.

Her silver moon looked so peaceful like this that for a moment, she could forget that everything between them had become ever-so strange since that night. The glances from afar as they walked past each other, the general pleasantries, the polite distance — the distance. That is what bothered Izumi the most. They could not change what had occurred from that night, yet it was as if they’d been running away from each other. Izumi needed to talk to him, not only about the life she would be cultivating within her, but about them. About the state of their relationship, because anxiety had made her unsure of it.

Though only for a moment, the sight of his peaceful, sleeping face would keep her grounded.

and tenderly, a dainty paw would reach to caress his temple. For she had not held him, nor been this close to him in weeks.

Yet the crane quickly retracted the moment he’d open his eyes. Blinking, eyes falling to her feet as she backed up and gave him his space. She spoke first as he settled into consciousness, and it was as if all the blood drained from his face.

Why? — the empress wondered. Did he already know what she would bring up? Did any memory of that night bring him so much regret that it discomforted him?

Was she the only one between them that hadn’t regretted their embrace? She hadn’t known whether to feel angry with him, or disgusted with herself. A woman of her standing was now pregnant and without a husband — all because her self-control waned for one night.

How much longer, Osamu? She….didn’t even bring up the pregnancy like intended yet. She’d forgotten about the pregnancy at that moment. The knit in the samurai’s brow had concerned her more. How much longer must we walk on eggshells until we talk about what happened that night? I can’t take anymore of this…

Even now, she was so beautiful. So achingly, tenderly beautiful. It took all of his strength not to pull her into his arms, caress her with his lips and his tongue, but now she seemed so far from him. A statue; perfect and flawless, and ever out of reach.

They were both stupid.

Izumi's words surprised him. It wasn't necessarily their content, but their tone that caught him off-guard; she sounded pained, even upset with him, and immediately his expression shifted into something beyond shame.

I thought - I wasn't sure - he stuttered, unsure of what to say. I...

I what?

Regretted it? That was partially untrue. He could not lie to his Empress. While the part of him that felt remorse over sullying her innocence was still quite raw, he could not deny that in the same set of circumstances, regardless of the passage of time, he would likely fall to his own selfish desires again.
Osamu knew that his famous strength had at last failed him, and would ever do so as long as he remained in her presence.

While his physical strength was as cold steel, his heart was pitiably weak.

... I regret this distance between us.

Osamu averted his gaze.

It was not my intention. But I have wronged you, he said thickly. I am no longer a Samurai, but a desperate, foolish man who takes without consideration. I await your punishment.

It was true – this distance between them upsetted her greatly.

They hadn’t exactly been on communicating terms since that night, which was probably why the two of them were beyond knowledge of what the other one was thinking and had boiled things down to assumptions based on insecurities. For Izumi, she had assumed her worst nightmare had finally come true and the man who had come to love her withdrew after seeing a more intimate side of her that night. Yet that couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

He stammered – uncomfortable with the question she’d presented to him – or was he uncomfortable around her? An insecurity that nearly prevented her from approaching in the first place, yet this was better than nothing. Better than going on as if nothing ever happened…

”I regret this distance between us.”

....but? There had to be something else.

”It was not my intention, but I have wronged you.”

The cranebird’s lilac gaze widened by just a fraction – an expression of pure unadulterated bewilderment. On second thought, she was more or less expecting him to say he was unsure of that night, then to have responded with something like that. To claim that, because of that night, he was no samurai, but a man who takes. Desperate and foolish – due for a punishment he hadn’t received yet.

Izumi’s shoulders slowly slumped in defeat just then. Eyes closing as she released the breath she’d been holding.

Oh gods…..Osamu…. Relief. She’d felt relief that he’d disproved the very thing she feared.

– and Izumi would snort just then, because what else could she do?

Pressing a paw against the bridge of her nose, soft laughter would flit from the empress maw. After all these years together, Izumi had allowed her fears to make her forget the type of man Osamu was and expect the worst. Her silver moon had been a warrior – aged by battle and duty – but he was a gentleman first and foremost. Of course this would be the outcome of their first night together.

She….really was stupid for doubting how he’d felt, wasn’t she?

I guess we were both desperate and foolish that night, weren’t we? she quipped, lowering her paw from her muzzle. --shall I be punished alongside you by saying I don’t regret how foolish we were during the wedding?

She paused for a moment, her features softening from mirth to something gentler. More serious.

Even to this day, you treat me too gently. Yet that was one of the many reasons why she loved him. It didn’t matter what the occasion, or how tedious Izumi was one day. Osamu always treated her with an unyielding, almost unbearable gentleness. Like a samurai who drew blood with a cold blade without thought , holding a flower with an unexpectedly trained carefulness.

But I would like for us to be more honest with each other from now on….even if it feels like the world might end if we say anything. Her pleading eyes would search Osamu's – as did her forepaw, which sought to wrap around his reassuringly. Please? I want you to trust that I am not as fragile as you believe me to be.

Yet this was not the only thing the empress had approached him to relay – and the relief washed away just as soon as it came.

--and the…world might actually end where we stand when I tell you this, but something more came from our union that night…

The subtle drop in her shoulders told him everything. Oh, it was coming, as surely as the dawn; not warm and welcoming, but terrible and cold. He steeled himself for the inevitable, jaw set in a firm line as he met her gaze with all the resolution he could muster. Queen's Rest had been the only place he had ever known as home for as long as he could remember - where, then, would he go? The world was vast, he knew, but so empty.

So empty without her.

"Oh gods... Osamu..."

It only pained him further to see Izumi so twisted up in agony regarding his blatant betrayal, his utter lack of respect.

But why the snort?

He frowned. Was something funny?

Was this - funny?

Before the samurai could open his mouth to protest, she'd already fully committed to her own mirth, soft giggles echoing around him as if he were an awkward child fumbling his lines in a well-rehearsed Kabuki play. Had he missed something?

... You do not? Osamu asked incredulously, silver eyes wide with shock over the last thing he'd ever expected to hear from her. Truly?

(He hoped she was sincere. Her plaintive cries were very convincing at the time, but no man could ever truly know whether or not a woman was exaggerating certain intimate moments.)

Never would I think you weak, he interjected. It is not fragility that deters me! It is your honor, your reputation. I have overstepped my position, and you are still Empress - albeit over my heart as much as my body.

But Osamu quieted, seeing something else still troubled her.

Izumi's final words sent a cold chill down his spine. It wasn't quite elation, it wasn't quite dread; only a spike of pure adrenaline, and then it felt as if his entire being went numb all at once.

... Do you mean...?

What had he done?

Osamu stepped forward. Something inside of him wanted to weep, to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, the overwhelming joy and absolute terror he felt all at once, but he waited for her confirmation before he allowed his features to shift. He had to know.